I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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