If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
