i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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