ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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