so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
