my sisters under your porch take her home
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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