nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
