are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
