Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
