she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
