im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
being pregnant is like rehab
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
