that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
