i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
