God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
