Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
