I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
