dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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