now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
