You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
