dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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