Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
