no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
