...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
