Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize