apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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