he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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