Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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