he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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