; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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