come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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