I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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