stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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