I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
