just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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