we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
