Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
