Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
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Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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