Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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