My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
