she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize