I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
