It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
