normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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