atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
