I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
