Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
