I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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