I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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