would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
