If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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