im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
