cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
