i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You did what with his pubic hair?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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