i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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