A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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