is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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