Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
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You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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