So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
