Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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