i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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