Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
