You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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