I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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