When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I want a musical about memes.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
