He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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