my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
