i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
