I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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