I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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