good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
