bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
