At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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