im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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