So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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