turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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