he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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