Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
