My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
