Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
