I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
