nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
