Quick, to the slutcave!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
